Okay, guys. Okay. I have reached Potato Mecca. The Shangri-La of starch.
Be prepared. It’s called Eggplant’s Potato Om-nom-nomlette.
Dear sweet heavens. This is so good, simple, and cheap. Let’s start. We have a lot to get through today.
All you need is a skillet, two medium Idaho potatoes, five medium eggs, some cheese, some buttah or buttah-like substance, and some seasonings of your choice. If you’re the adventurous type (read: “the type of person who has money”), you could also use some bacon, ham, or sausage. But in my world, meat is a luxury item. So feh.
Let’s start with the potatoes.
Let’s cut them, as if we’re making chips. Thinish discs. And then, cut the discs into long pieces.
Like so. Potato matchsticks. Mini-Fries. Delicious carb lines.
I like to work with a blue cutting board for this. Especially one with a lobster on it. It’s like “Oh, sure. I can afford lobster. I’d just rather make a fucking amazing egg-and-potato omelette.”
But, of course, season them like tomorrow’s never comin’. Salt and pepper work wonders, but, as usual, anything will do. Some garlic powder, some fresh herbs… The potato is your oyster.
But let’s leave them alone for now, to soak in the seasonings. On to the eggs!
Five! Five medium eggs! *thunder crashes* Ah-ah-ah. Let’s count!
One…
Two, three…
Four, five! Five eggs! Ah-ah-ah.
Add a half-cup of a dairy-based product. Cream, half-and-half, whole milk, or, if you’re me, skim milk. Meh. And then you…
…fork it. Fork it real good. Until it becomes a homogenized blend of delicious egg and milk. Season this, too, for as much as potatoes need salt, eggs need pepper. It’s true. Without pepper, eggs die. It’s sad, really.
But you know what makes me happier? 2.5 teaspoons of buttah! Psh, yeah. So, preheat your skillet to, say, medium high, and wait for it to heat up. Then…
THEN
Oh sweet fucking Christ, add the potatoes! AAAH.
That’s better. Phew. Is it… hot… in here to anyone else? Because, whew.
Here’s where I would add some real onions, if I had a grocery budget. But these little, hard, ancient, minced beauties work just as well.
Someone spank me. I’ve been a bad, bad, boy.
As my meeeeemaw used to say, “A little buttah won’t kill you!”
So, fuck the buttah-hatas, people.
I mean, how can you argue with that? Now that your buttah-y, delicious potatoes have browned, reduce your heat to medium, and put in those eggs!
Oh, my. My, my, my. If you’re courageous, add some bacon, or bacon bits, or ham pieces. RIGHT NOW.
All that’s left to do is the waitin’. Let your eggs set up.
And then, add some cheese when most of the liquid is gone. Let it cook for just a little, little, little while longer, and then slop it onto your plate.
It doesn’t look that pretty, because mine fell apart. I admit that.
But, you know, they say “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder”.
Hello, beautiful!
