They can make so many things: scrambles, omelettes, cakes, quiches.
Quiches, eh? But don’t quiches require a crust and shit? And aren’t they annoying?
The answer is no. No, they don’t. No, they aren’t. And I’m going to show you a good, filling example of crustless quiche.
Julia Child may be rolling over in her grave.
So, quiche. It’s not really something many people associate with poverty. To me, quiche is something eaten by dainty bitches in restaurants with linen napkins. In reality, however, it is both cheap and filling.
To make our crustless quiche, we only need a few items: some buttah, some pig meats, some cheese, two cups of milk, one half-cup of Biqsquick, and four large eggs. Also, make sure to bring along your Favorite Seasonings Ever, as we will be using them. And an onion wouldn’t be bad at all, but I don’t have one.
First, let’s take care of the pigmeats.
Get a couple tablespoons of buttah going in a skillet on medium to medium-high heat.
Throw the pig in thurr.
If you had some onions, they wouldn’t hurt, either. Just chop it up. And throw it in.
Let’s move on to the eggy part, shall we?
We got four eggs!
Check! Milk?
Check! Bisquick?
Check! Now, if you want a fluffy quiche, grab your hand-mixer or whisk.
And start mixing the eggy, milky, Bisquicky concoction. When you get the speed of the mixer up to “High,” mix for about a minute.
It’ll end up looking something like this.
Now, season it. All I did was use some onion salt and a little white pepper. But you could use just about anything. Some hot sauce would be amazing, as would some fresh herbs.
Remember your pigmeats (and possibly onions) on the stove?
The meat should be just done, and a little crispy. If you went with some onions, they should be translucent.
But what about that man full of buttah and pigmeat drippings?
Oh-ho-ho. Putting it in your pan sounds like a great idea. Oh dear.
You could also take a couple more tablespoons of buttah and rub it along the sides of the pan to prevent the quiche from sticking. I did.
Now, put some cheese in the bottom of your buttah-y, piggy pan, and add chunks of your buttah-y piggy meats (and the onions, if you got them).
Then, cover it with your egg mixture. Oh, boy!
And put some herbs (I used Eye-talian seasoning) and the rest of your shredded cheese on top. And if you’re really good…
Some Parmesan cheese, even the plastic-container grated stuff, never hurt anybody. Shove it in your 350 degree oven for a good 45-50 minutes. You may use this time to clean up or get on the internet or smoke 14 cigarettes in anticipation.
You know it’s done when a knife comes out clean and there’s no liquid on the top. But don’t dig in! Let it sit for five minutes.
That gives you time to fry up some home-made potato chips and toast some bread.
Then, top it with more cheese and some parsley or other assorted herbage.
Cut yourself a slice and enjoy. You will enjoy.
But if you’re a really naughty person, you could always use your mind (and bread and potatoes…)
And make a very delicious, artery-closing sandwich.
So, in honor of Julia Child, I have one thing to say: Bon appiteeeeeeeeee.
